Spooky Scary

"Time to get into my car," said Little Joe, having walked from the mall to his automobile through the dark parking lot on Halloween night.

"Hee hee hee," cackled Cannibal Steve, the wittiest and most enigmatic edgy emo cannibal ever conceived by the talentless marketing committees in Hollywood.  He was hiding under the automobile and plotting, just then, to slice Little Joe's ankles with his straight razor.

"Gee," said Little Joe, "I hope no evildoer hiding under the car is plotting to slit my legs and turn me into cucumber sandwiches.  Better unload my glock just in case!"

So he put like eight bullets into Cannibal Steve and left his dark and edgy ass to die in a twitching, bleeding mass.

He was just driving home when Gritty Bob cackled in the back seat.  He was a spooky scary serial killer who had escaped from the ultra high security insane asylum Little Joe worked for, and he was planning on Killing Little Joe and turning his skin into yarn he would knit doilies with.

"Gosh," said Little Joe, "I certainly hope there are no spooky scary serial killers in the back seat of my car.  I guess I never checked, so I better throw a hand grenade."

And so he did. Gritty Bob tried to put his shirt over the grenade, but that was ineffective.  It blew off both his arms and one of his legs and coyotes later ate him.  Little Joe's car broke down on the way home on account of the holes in the gas line and the fact that it no longer had rear tires. He was walking home, but there was somehting he did not know.  Bicycle Mask Bruce was stalking him through the bushes, breathing loudly.  He was going to attack Little Joe with his machete for reasons that were never explained to a satisfactory level.

"Gee," said Little Joe, "I certainly hope no psychotics are going to hop out of the bushes and kill me.  Better release the tiger!"

Just then he released his tiger, who threw Bicycle Mask Bruce around like a freaking rag doll, tore his limbs off, and tied his intestines in a pretty bow.

"That was not the tiger I was thinking of," said Little Joe.  "I wanted the tiger with the saber teeth."

Just then he released his other tiger, which was like ten times bigger with teeth the size of a bus.  It tore through Bruce's still-living skull, spattering his grey matter all over the trees.  Little Joe kept walking, but eventually he ran out of food and died.

Which just goes to show.