Kevin Spacey is a Gorram Genius and You Just Don't Get It.

Hi.

My name is Kevin Spacey.

Now, you probably don't get Kevin Spacey.  

Not everyone can.  

You probably can't comprehend the multifaceted and nuanced way in which Kevin Spacey turns every character he portrays into the same smug, pseudo-intellectual douche nozzle.  It's unlikely your tiny brain has yet to grasp how, with a simple, self-satisfied grin or tenting of the fingers, he can morph a brilliantly written character into the sort of condescending, pretentious twat you'd like to cram into a particle accelerator.  

You just don't get it, and that's okay.  One day Kevin Spacey was just like you.

Kevin Spacey remembers the day he realized the true depths of Kevin Spacey's genius.  One day he was in 3rd grade math and the teacher asked Kevin Spacey if he could answer some question about trains approaching each other from different cities, and Kevin Spacey turned to her, with a smug grin,. and said "Kevin Spacey doesn't take public transit, you flatulent vagina.  What does he look like, a fucking PLEBE??"  

And Kevin Spacey got sent to detention but just then he realized it: he was fucking brilliant.  And also an actor.

Oh, wouldn't get acting job through his K-12 years.  He spent most of those crammed in a locker with his James Taylor underoos up his colon.   But one day he would land on a gig on a little independent film.  You've probably never heard of it, but it was called "American Beauty."  It in he played a man who was too smug and pretentious for Suburbia.

And it rocketed his career and before long he was fighting big metal spiders with his sidekick Will Smith in Wild Wild West.  

Oh, you didn't like that film?

That figures; the pedestrian nature of your human mind is probably so clouded by its base instincts to fuck and eat to see anything beyond it being a movie about Will Smith and big metal spiders.  It could not truly appreciate the role that was Kevin Spacey or how he was just too smug and pretentious for the steampunk-y Old West.  

That's right.  Wild, Wild West was the best movie ever realized by humankind.  Ever realized, that is, until Pax.

Where he played an alien that was trapped in an insane asylum.  An alien that just too good for the pedestrian species that is  mankind.   Do you remember how everything turned out to be true in the movie?  How Kevin Spacey Alien ascended into space?  Well, it turns out that it was an analogy for Kevin Spacey's real life.

You probably missed it.  You probably missed it because you're a stupid fucking moron whos insignificant reptilian hind-brain is just too unsophisticated to grasp the shimmering truth that is Kevin Spacey.

But it's true.  Like Kevin Spacey in PAX, Kevin Spacey in real life has since ascended to a perfect reality; a plane of existence whose innate greatness is limited only by Kevin Spacey's unfathomable smugness and boundless ego.

You don't get it, do you?

You just can't comprehend how Kevin Spacey could be so brilliant as to both ascend this reality AND still star in that shitty political show.

Well, you may not now... but someday you will.

Now fuck off.