Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Little Joe. Little Joe was a bright little boy who liked nothing better than to spend a good hour on the internet. One day he was blogging about Sticky Bear when an instant messenger window popped up.
"Little Joe," cried the messenger, "I am a unicorn!"
"Gee," tippity-typed Little Joe, "a unicorn!"
"A magical unicorn named Gummipants! Of the Rainbow Skittle Forest!"
"Gosh!"
"I need your help, Little Joe! If you do not help me, none of the Rainbow Skittle Forest Unicorns will survive!"
"Oh no!"
If you want Little Joe to help the unicorns, see option A. If you think Little Joe should abandon the unicorns and get a damned Job, see option B!
A. "Sure I'll help!" Tapped Little Joe.
"Then all I'll need is your mommy or daddy's credit card number!"
"Hmmm..." typed Little Joe, "what will you need that for, Mr Gummipants?"
"By maxing those cards out we can secure five kajillion acres of unicorn habitat, Little Billy!" Gummipants reasoned. "That's enough for five unicorns to sit around eating hamburgers!"
"That makes no sense," Little Joe typed. "I think you are a scammer and I am going to report your firewall's telephone number to the Google police."
"That's OK." Gummipants replied. "I was just distracting you while Sticky Bear snuck around to the back door!"
"STICKY BEAR???!1" Little Joe typed excitedly, so gassed up about finally being able to meet his childhood hero that he let the 1 slip in. If you think Little Joe should rush forward and embrace his childhood hero, see option C. If you think Little Joe should bend over and kiss his underage buttocks goodbye, see Option D.
B. Shame on you! It's because of narrow-minded, unicorn-hating jerks like you that 10,0000 acres of prime unicorn habitat are lost every second. Did you know that in the time it took you to read this, 24 unicorns died, that in the time it took you to read THIS clause another 13 got addicted to unicorn laxatives, and that by the time this sentence became a run-on abomination a further 32 found out that one of their unicorn parents had an affair? Next time suck it in and choose option A. Shmuck.
C. STICKY BEAR!
SWOOP!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR
OMIGOD NO!!!!!
RIP! SHRED!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
OOO OOO OOOO!!!!!!!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! *SNORT*
MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!
D. CRASH!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!
POKE! TEAR!
WHYSTICKYBEARWHY???!
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
EVICERATE! TINKYWINKY!!!!!!!
OK THAT FELT KINDA GOOD!
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
A LITTLE HIGHER PLEASE!
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